There is a misconception about “judgment” that I want to clear up. Maybe this is something you understand, but I am speaking to those that may not. You can judge a situation, but not the person going through the situation. You are doing this or have said things like, “She’s stupid, I would never do…”; or “I would not let anyone do that to me”; or “If it was me,…” or “Better her than me…”. Or any number of lines that separate us from each other.
You can judge a situation not to be in the best interest for you or them, based on who you want to be, and who you understand them to want to be. Hopefully, you’re correct in your understanding. But ultimately, it is up to others to decide what is best for them. To judge them because they are not choosing what you would choose is hypocritical.
If you look back in time, your past, and your history, you will see — if you don’t deny it — when you have done the same thing you have judged the person for doing. And if you were not behaving hypocritically, then you would not have a problem with the choice. You would respect others’ choices because you, too, have made a mis-take, that is, there was a missed opportunity to live in love, light, and truth. You can look at a situation and say, “Oh no, that’s not for me.” Or you can say, “Oops, that’s not going to lead them where they say they want to go — maybe.” Who knows, we all figure it out when we figure it out, no one knows when. There is free will.
One is free to choose, and no one knows what choice is best for the person. Therefore, to suspend judgment of the person until it is revealed what course of action was best is the most appropriate course of action, i.e., a “wait and see” attitude. Ultimately, seeking to understand contradicts and counteracts the negative judgments one may choose to act upon through words and deeds.
Understanding where you came from, your history, and the person’s plight will help mitigate the judgment one feels for another. Yes, if you did not care, you would not judge, but a judgment of the person does not show care, so take care to act in a way to show your love for the person or persons.
To increase understanding, start with yourself.
What to do?
Be honest with yourself, and reflect on a time when you acted in a similar way as the person — think of your choice. Of course, nothing is precisely the same, though it may have similar characteristics. However, look at the essence of the situation or commonalities. Found in commonalities is understanding.
Take time out to think of this event in your life before reading on.
Now that you have an event solid in mind: how did you feel about the result or consequence when the situation came to its end? What did you learn? What would you do differently? Write the answers to these questions down on paper.
If you have completed the process outlined above, you will understand the last statement deeply.
Though you may want to spare the person the experience you have undergone, remember, you are also sparing them the lesson. An opportunity to grow and expand, as you have done. As a parent, this is one of the hardest lessons I have learned.